What network are we on, then?

Our satellite office, which is located about 35 miles away from our office just called me.

"I can't get on the internet. Can you?"
"Yeah. We're on two totally different networks. Your router probably needs to be reset."
"Can't we just get on without it?"
"No."
"What network are we on, then?"

Kill me now.

- The Paralegal

Procrastination Frustration

I work as customer service for a retail company, and during the winter holiday season, people panic and become more irrational than usual, especially if they wait until the last minute to place their orders.

An email I got from a woman earlier today:

Her: I ordered two weeks ago and paid for express shipping, where is my order?! Refund my shipment costs immediately!
Me: Ma'am, according to my system, you placed your order two business days ago, on Monday, and according to the tracking email that was sent to you, the package was delivered on Tuesday. Your signature is scanned to the online tracking page.
Her: Oh, I got something, but I didn't think it was from you guys.

And a call that just came in:

Man: If I place an order today, will it get to Hawaii in time for Christmas?

Speaking of Hawaii, another call:

Woman: Why do I have to pay $50 for overnight shipping? I need this order before Christmas, and it's not like I live in Alaska.
Me: It says here that you live...in Hawaii.

Sometimes Phones Work Better.

Just got a call from our L.A. office.

"Our internet access is down. I've been emailing you about it all day!"

- The Paralegal

My boss emailed the office manager, telling her to tell me to do a project. She simply forwarded the email to me. God forbid he email me directly.

Email: Enabling passive-aggressive bureaucracy and bigshotism since god knows when.

- The Paralegal

Broken.

Today one of the secretaries stomped into my office in a huff, demanding a new monitor because hers was "broken." She claimed every time she moved it, it would turn off and on, and now it was off and wouldn't turn back on.

I calmly walked to her desk, and plugged the power cable back in.

- The Paralegal

Jesus Christ

Today the new sales guy was trying to email a file to a customer and he typed the customer's email address in wrong so the email came back to him as undeliverable. He didn't know why it came back so he asked another sales guy here and the other sales guy noticed that the customer's email address was wrong and told him that. Then the other sales guy noticed that the name of the file was "Jesus Christ." He asked the new sales guy why he called it that and he replied with "I was just trying to name it something that I'd remember." Then the other sales guy said to him "you know the customer can see the file name right?" and he replied with "oh no, I didn't know that. I'm still trying to figure all this stuff out."

-IT Guy

Business Cards

The new sales guy has been here long enough now to get his own business cards and when told about this he said "I'd like to sound really professional so instead of just 'inside sales' can mine say 'inside sales consultant'?" The girl that gets them printed said no and explained that all the business cards for all the sales guys just say "inside sales" on them so he replied with "alright, but I'd like my middle initial on the cards then."

-IT Guy